If You're Going to Go in Costume, Go All Out
Boys Have a Weird Ritual that Makes Them Think They Turn into Men When They Touch a Frog
If You Stop and Think About It, Your Life's a Lot Longer as an Old Guy Than a Kid! Whoa, Scary!!
Even if You Aren't Drunk, Pretend You Are and Steal Your Boss's Toupee
If You're a Man, Try the Swordfish!
Even Teen Idols Act Like You Guys
Pets Resemble Their Owners
Kids' Annoyance Factor is Proportional to the Length of Their Hair
Stress Makes You Bald, But Its Stressful to Avoid Stress,
so You End Up Stressed Out Anyway, so In the End There's Nothing You Can Do